The Beginning: The Weight I Carried

by Katie on October 7, 2014

I recently started making some major lifestyle changes for myself and my family. Here is Part 1 our story.

BeforeEver since Charlie was born almost three years ago (well even a little bit before I got pregnant with him) I’ve been struggling with my weight. I was the heaviest I’ve ever been and was desperate to lose the weight…or so I thought.

I would go to the gym 2-3 days a week and climb onto the elliptical for 50 minutes. I would be sweaty when I got done so I was pretty sure I burned a lot of calories and got a good workout in. I barely touched the weight machines and if I did put in very little effort or time. I just KNEW my time was best spent getting my heart rate up and burning those calories with cardio.

I ate healthy…during the week…or I guess during the week when I felt like it. I had toast for breakfast and a very light lunch of beef sticks and cheese and a piece of fruit. I didn’t always have an afternoon snack because snack=calories and I wanted to avoid those. By the time supper came around I was starving and always ate way more than I should, but I could afford to since I had not eaten much all day, right? On the weekends all bets were off. Pizza for supper, cinnamon rolls for breakfast, leftover pizza for lunch, going out to eat were all pretty much a regular part of my Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I was eating “pretty good” during the week so I should be allowed to splurge on the weekends, am I right?

As you can guess my exercise and eating habits were not really very helpful in losing the weight I so desperately wanted to come off. Sure, I would lose a pound or two here or there, but it always came back and sometimes brought a few more pounds with it. I told myself this was just the season of life I was in- a momma to two little boys who I always put first-someday I would have time for myself. Plus wasn’t this weight a badge of honor? A sign that I had spent 18 months of my life taking good care of those two boys that grew in my belly? I WAS healthy. I COULD keep up with my kids. SOME of my clothes fit. I would just keep living life and someday address this weight issue.

But you know what started to happen? The weight I was carrying around on my body became a weight I was carrying in my mind and on heart. I would stand in my closet and try on item after item looking for something that would flatter me instead of showing off that ever expanding spare tire around my middle. I would think about me weight constantly during the day. I would look back on pictures of myself before I had kids and be envious of the girl I saw. I would feel insanely jealous of any friends I saw that were having success losing weight and wish that I could do it just as effortlessly as they seemed to be. I got tired of looking in the mirror and seeing the chubby face looking back at me with eyes that were full of defeat. I started to notice that I was out of breath when I climbed stairs and I hated hearing myself pant with each step I took.

I knew I needed to make some changes and make them fast. I didn’t like the things that the weight was doing to me (both physically and mentally) and knew I need to take that scary first step to look long and hard at myself and answer some hard questions about the things that were holding me back.

Up next: What finally caused me to change

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Ashley Wilson October 14, 2014 at 12:39 pm

These are my exact feelings. Very inspiring. Thanks for sharing!

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